After a night of debauchery in Las Vegas, a groggy man wakes up to find a scantily clad woman next to him in bed. On the table, he sees what appears to be a wedding photo from one of the wedding chapels in the bar. He hastily puts on his glasses and covers his mouth in shock as he realizes he is the person in the photo.
Although the woman’s face is partially covered, he notices the cheap wedding ring on her finger. Detects an open wallet. He searches her handbag and finds her wallet. He looks at her driver’s license and sees her first name is Christina – he already knows her last name.
And before closing her bag, he finds a piece of paper with a broad ruler written in crayon starting from my dear mother. Now a sober man understands that he is not only a new husband, but also a new stepfather.
How do I do it
When a couple is dating, they connect and fall in love before they decide to get married. In the same way, if there is a child involved and your relationship is heading towards the altar, you should start courting your future stepson. With the aim of establishing a relationship and developing a relationship before marriage.
Developing a relationship with a potential stepson is much easier and less stressful for everyone involved when the partner is still considered a parent’s boyfriend or girlfriend than it is when she becomes a stepmother. If you already have kids your partner needs to really understand and be able to adopt, you come off as a package deal.
Don’t be Santa
A common mistake many parents make is to shower their fiancé’s kids with gifts in an attempt to buy their affections. The first problem is that children know when someone is trying to buy their love. They are smart enough not to fall for the bait.
The second problem is that the child may start to expect gifts from you all the time, and unless you are Daddy Warbucks, this will eventually put a strain on your finances. Or even worse, you are contributing to the creation of a spoiled child who expects to get everything he wants.
In the end, you run the risk of not achieving the desired results and your new son may become resentful of your attempt to bribe him for his love. Children’s affection and trust come with taking the time and effort to develop a real relationship with them – not from trying to push it on them.
Take care of your child
One of the best ways to communicate with a new stepchild is to take an interest in what interests him. If the child is not open about what they like, talking with the biological parent may provide a starting point. If the stepson is interested in animals, a trip to the zoo might provide a good bonding opportunity.
Older children can be more difficult to identify and there are fewer opportunities to connect with them. Offering help with homework or taking an interest in their favorite video game may not be the strongest of beginnings in a relationship, but it is a start.
Involve the child in your interests
While you are interested in your future son’s interests, you can also involve your child in your interests. A child already knows their biological parents and has plenty of opportunities to engage with them and their interests. One of the easiest ways to let a new stepfather’s child into the life of his new or potential stepfather is to let him share his interests.
For example, if the stepmother is part of a bowling league, the kids might not mind going down to the bowling alley and watching or even participating in the game. At the same time, it is important to ensure that the child will spend time with his biological parents. This is especially true for children in a joint custody situation.
In joint custody, your children will have a limited amount of time to spend with each of their biological parents. You should help ensure that your stepson maintains a healthy relationship with his mom and dad.
take your time
The greatest gift you can give your new baby is time. Remember that your stepson is grieving the loss of his nuclear family. It will take time for them to get used to the fact that their biological parents no longer live in the same house.
It may take longer for them to accept that one or both of their parents have found someone else to fall in love with. It will take at least two years before the stepfather can build what can be considered a healthy relationship with the stepchildren. This can be easier if the future stepfather begins to communicate with the child before the wedding.